How to communicate without being defensive?
Anger may manifest as defensiveness. To reduce defensive behaviour when communicating with someone, start with identifying your triggers and learning to control your emotions. What are you feeling and where do you feel it in your body? Is your heart racing? Is your body tense? Is your mind trying to come up with a counter-attack? Why? Where do these roots come from?
Ask yourself these questions. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The next step, Take some time to practice deep breathing. This counteracts the flight or fight response by activating the parasympathetic nervous system. It also allows you to slow down your racing mind and respond more effectively. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Buy Yourself Time. Wait before you react. Allow the adrenaline to go down and gather your thoughts. Let the other person talk and use this time to practice slow breathing and consider how you would want to respond. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Stop Retaliating and Genuinely Listen. Try to listen to the other person’s points and allow yourself to see where they are coming from. Distance yourself from the assumption that the other person is wrong. If you are sure the other person is wrong, there is still a way to explain your side without completely dismissing the other person’s perspective. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Learn How to Take Criticism. One strategy is to see criticism as a sign of the other person’s belief in your abilities. Instead of taking it personally, strategize how you can benefit from it. If you don’t believe the criticism to be true or constructive, simply thank the person and walk away. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Self-awareness, humility, honesty all of these are keys to making this possible. Working through these triggers is a slow process. Don’t be hard on yourself if you fail. Failure is a part of the process. Keep things in perspective of yourself, when you are back to a normal state, ask yourself “why was I angry a week ago”? You’ll never able to remember this because it happened at that moment. And in the process, you hurt someone. When you start understanding 90% of things are not worthy of getting angry about, you start to become aware of the areas in your life that need healing.
Break down the situations, find out what triggered you, and discover why?
Then you can put in the work and reassure yourself and grow.
